RECIPE FOR A GOOD MARRIAGE
1. Every marriage is capable of being bad, really bad:
(a) A bad marriage is defined as one in which there clear absence of love, care and compromise. (b) In a bad marriage, couples generally do not care about one another and they constantly quarrel over insignificant tides.
(c) Bad marriage are toxic – language is uncultured, respect is often absent, and emotions rule rather than love or reason. (d) There is a notable lack of clear expression, language and communication are weaponized against each other.
(e) Love and submission are sacrificed at the anvil of pride and self-interest. Bad marriages are focused on personal love and success rather than on “coupling” and partnership success. In other words, the couple never left nor cleaved.
THIRTY QUALITIES OF A WOMANHOOD
A: Attitudes towards Morality
1. Moral Purity: - she values her inner purity above everything else.
2. Divine Decisiveness: - she prays and seeks the divine perfection
3. Distinguishing between Right and Wrong: - she pursues what is right and she avoids what is bad
B: Attitudes towards Her Husband (If married)
4. She respects him, no matter his flaws or shortcomings
5. She serves him – using her intellect, wisdom, abilities and her charms
6. She fulfils her conjugal and marital responsibilities, faithfully
C: Attitudes towards Family
7. She is the soft-pillar of her household – working hard to make a home a comfortable and inviting place
8. She is the matriarchy of her household – she has the last word on anything femininity over her household
9. She provides for her household and offers an example for her daughters to follow, and for her sons, she provides a model of a woman they should aspire to marry
D: Attitudes towards Children (Even if they are not birthed by herself)
10. She cares for them
11. She loves them
12. She guides them towards success
E: Attitudes towards Money/Economy
13. She ensures that there is enough food in the household, in the world around her
14. She spends herself for the wellbeing of her own household, and the world
15. She goes out of her way to supply the necessities of her own household, and the needy
F: Attitudes towards Her Community
16. She promotes her household and her husband (if married) before the general community
17. She promotes the dignity and respect of her husband (if married) to the community
18. She participates in charitable excursions in her community (at work or church or neighborhood)
G: Attitudes towards Faith
19. She believes in God
20. She prays for her family
21. She provides love and harmony to those who are dying or misfortunate
H: Attitudes towards Other Women
22. She is a team-player
23. She avoids gossip
24. She supports other women’s causes
I: Attitudes towards Men
25. She respects them but only loves her husband (if married)
26. She accepts them as leaders; if they can’t lead, she will lead
27. She supports their effects to defend and protect nature and nations; if they can’t do so, she will.
J: Attitudes towards Life
28. She is the Mother of Life – without her, there would be no procreation
29. She is the heart of existence, she deserves honor, respect and trophies
30. She is responsible for keeping creation fertile and potent
21 QUALITIES OF A SUITABLE FUTURE HUSBAND
1. He must “prove” that he loves you. Don’t ignore this. Don’t think he will love you in future. He must love you and show it in words, actions/deeds and attitudes.
2. He must not directly or indirectly indicate that the most important reasons why he loves you is to primarily have sex with you. You know that will come at the right time, but for now he must love you wholly.
3. He must display variety of caring habits. When it is cold, hot or raining, he must show you that he can care for you under any of those circumstances.
4. If he is a Christian, he must put you only second to God and encourage you in the things of God; if he is not a Christian, he must put you first.
5. He must balance among love, romance and caring. If he is too much into anyone of these and neglecting the others, you may not reverse that in marriage.
6. He must prove he is a leader, at least to you. If he is hesitant, reluctant and, worst case scenario, does not make decisions, you should not deceive yourself that he will when you marry him.
7. He must show signs of being your defender. Observe when you are walking together, does he put you close to danger, such as nearest to the curb? Does he remove danger in your path? Does he open the door of the car for you? (Assuming one of you drives). And many more. Although he does not need to do these in marriage all the time, in courtship or dating, these are the only clues you may have whether under unusual circumstances in real marriage he would protect you.
8. Observe the gifts he brings you. First, he must buy you gifts. Second, he must buy you gifts that suggest maturity, seriousness and thoughtfulness. You be the judge.
9. Find opportunity for him to compare you to other women and then hear these words, “No other woman/girl is like you or compares to you,” or similar. That indicates his level of focus and decisiveness on you.
10. Test him with time. If he simply infatuates you, he will quickly get bored of you and rescind. If he keeps on going with you, even in the absence of kissing, petting or play, for a long time, and still tells you he loves you, you’ve reaped gold!
11. He must appreciate everything on and about you. He cannot like your legs and hate your hands, or like you only when you do your hairdo in a certain way. He should like you, “Just the way you are!” This will show you whether he will love you in life and in death, in richness or in poverty.
12. He must not be afraid to contradict you, but in love. If his correction of you is done with anger and force, you have a clue to a live, future dictator. Don’t ignore – they just become worse.
13. Test of children. Marriages usually bring children (born to you or adopted). If he can’t show signs of loving and caring for children now, perhaps he will not in future. Find time to talk about children and to baby-sit another couple’s child.
14. Test of money. Here are the clues. If he says things like, “I don’t care about money,” or “To me, money is nothing,” or similar, you are getting a potential money-lover (and believe you me, you will come second. Or you may be getting a completely lazy junk!). Observe his spending habits. If he values quality over quantity, you have your trophy right there.
15. Test of character. Does he keep his promises, appointments or schedules? If he fails to show up on time, does he explain the reason and why next time he would like to avoid it? Or does he simply show, matter of factly, attitudes of “I don’t care,” as if saying that, “To me, it doesn’t matter whether I keep or don’t keep my promise!” Remember, your life together will be filled with time management and relationship schedules. If he is not equal to the task now, he may never be!
16. He must tell you that his parents and siblings cannot be allowed to interfere in your marriage. How does he do this? He must not accept his mother or father or brother or sister’s opinion of you as judgment truth. They can advise, but they cannot indict. They can suggest but they cannot decide for him. They can show concern, but they cannot condemn him for choosing you.
17. Initiative – the most neglected quality and yet everything in your future life together will depend on it. Life throws unexpected jabs on you, and a very sensitive, eclectic and self-motivated, self-starter head of the homestead is a breath-of-fresh-air. Observe how he thinks of little ideas, how he carries out large projects, how he is always pre-occupied with something in his life. In other words, he should have no idle moments.
18. Don’t marry a man who has no intention of being employed or have his own business. He will wreck your life.
19. Ask yourself candidly and honestly, Can I respect and submit to this man? If the answer is “No,” don’t marry him.
20. He must balance humor with seriousness. Whether you like it or not, there will be moments of joy and sadness in your marriage. All the people in your love cycle will either get old, suffer disabilities, or die. He must be able to lead in those moments. Also, there will be moments of happiness and merriment, and he should laugh with you and enjoy those moments with you.
21. You must find him good-looking and handsome to you. Observe that this quality comes last. But it is important that to you he is an attractive man (may be not to everyone else!). You should not make a mistake of marrying a man primarily for his looks; they fade too quickly.
[Assumption: These principles apply whether you proposed him or he proposed you!]
All WOMEN NEED TO KNOW THIS ABOUT MEN & VISE VERSA
1. The first gaze a man had on a woman was when she was naked, and he yelled, “This is the one…”
2. Men respond sexually to what they SEE on the woman – that’s why it is biologically structured that women would always look beautiful to attract men;
3. Women respond admirably and softly to what they HEAR about, and from, a man – that’s why exponentially women think less of a man who is lazy;
4. Married men are more susceptible to sexual misbehavior than single ones – because they often see their women in a naked posture, constantly stimulating unfulfilled sexual desires.
5. A wise married woman will always “kill” her man sexually to keep him sane; a wise man will run away from suggestive images of a non-wife;
6. Women need to hear often that they are loved by their husbands – the more you tell her you or act like you love her, the more submissive and respect she will shower you!
7. Women need to be complemented by their husbands more often each time they do make-up or dress up;
8. The most hurtful sounds any woman can hear are those from her own husband that she doesn’t look good;
9. A foolish man neglects to adore, complement and praise her wife’s beauty and effort – another man will do and steal her from you;
10. Love is like a network of waves – keep it following by constantly saying “I am sorry,” to each other!
Charles Mwewa's Marriage-Love Notes
marriage love notes
“If the husband is a race runner, the wife's job is keep cheering him and pointing him towards the finishing line!”
“If the woman is a kite, the man's job is keep holding onto the rope so that the kite flies freely and does not fall!”
“What keeps happiness in a marriage or relationship is constant tolerance and forgiveness!”
“First give your greatest energy to God, then and equally to your spouse, and if there is anything left, give it to church!”
“Don't love your sister-in-Christ or brother-in-Christ or your pastor/priest more than you love your spouse!”
“It's the job of a church to wed people, not to divorce people or to tell them whom to marry!”
“All men must strive to spend at least one minute more time with their spouse than they spend with their business, job or church!”
“If you are a married man, God doesn't want you to feed the whole world before you feed your wife, and children!”
“If your confidence in marriage comes from your salary or the job title of your partner or your house or car - you're a prisoner!”
“Discover and attempt many ways in which you can achieve perfect intimacy, with your spouse - if you don't, you'll soon be bored!”
“If your choice for spouse is characterized more by "good looking", "handsome", "beautiful" or "pretty", you're not ready to marry!”
“A Christian man's first spiritual responsibility is to lead his wife in Bible study - and to pray for her often!”
“If marriage is sustained because of children or if it breaks because of lack of them, it was never a love relationship!”
“Never treat your husband like your father or your wife like your mother - it's called incest!”
“If you have a habit of dressing inappropriately so men can clearly see your assets, they'll not respect your body in the end!”
“If your glory is in your beauty, and your power is in your strength, your relationship is dead on arrival!”
“No woman wants to linger with a man who doesn't complement her; no man wants to return to a home with talkative wife!”
“Divorce is preferable to murder!”
“You can't complain about or criticize your wife publicly, it reflects poorly on your overall sense of judgment!”
“A husband is like a hired lawyer, if he stops to defend you, fire him!”
“There is nothing like starving your man sexually, you just give him more reasons to go for other women!”
“Even if your wife has a better job than you, the primary responsibility to fend for the family is the man's!”
“Even if in your heart you know your husband is worse than your previous men, don't vocalize it or you will kill the marriage.”
“Love your wife for who she is - never, ever, or even imply, comparing her to another woman!”
“The greatest weapon a woman has to guard her relationship is JEALOUSY - do not discourage her from it!"
“Men must pay attention to the tiny, small things about their wives - even if the woman does not respond!”
“When a woman is dressed up more to be praised by other men rather than her husband, she may be unfulfilled!”
“The sign that your marriage may be dying is when your love-making becomes faster, shorter and quicker or doesn't exist at all!”
“Your size, height or length doesn't matter, what satisfies in a relationship is that you are loved despite your limitations.”
“Don't divorce the woman because of sexual techniques; when you learn sex together, its sweeter and lasts longer!”
“When do you know your marriage has survived: When a woman starts to respect her husband, and man starts to intentionally submit!”
“A lazy husband and a man who uses money to control their wives are the same; they're called losers!”
“If a woman begins to use sex as a weapon in marriage, run before your soul is sold to Satan!”
“If you discern that the spirit of love and submission has died, its better to divorce than to stay in that relationship!”
“A relationship becomes strong when love becomes a choice, and not a feeling!”
“If marriage was a rose flower, the woman is the petals; the man is the thorns!”
“In a healthy relationship, a man makes more statements, a woman asks more questions, not the other way!”
“Women must resist temptations to lead/dominate their husbands; men must be leaders in their marriages.”
“Any marriage where the husband loves the wife unconditionally, will survive!”
“Any marriage where the wife allows the husband to lead/head will succeed!”
"Sex in marriage is not barter system; it's a core term of the covenant!”
“The easiest way to permanently stop something is to kill it - so, why don't you "kill" him so he stops looking at other pretties!”
“Sex in marriage is not secondary to your career or professional pursuits, it is the first priority!”
“If a woman says more often that, "I am tired" to engage in marital sex, she devalues marriage.”
“The secret to a long, fulfilling and treasured sexual enjoyment in marriage, is not to use it or do it as a pass-time!”
“I am now in my mid-ages, and I have never seen a woman who respected herself not respected my wise men!”
“The more tenderly and softly you treat your women, the stronger she becomes - only place where weakness is strength!”
“It's the glory of women to hesitate to say "Yes" to a proposal; it is the pleasure of men to chase after love!”
“No-one needs experience with sex, it rolls out naturally like breastfeeding!”
“The sign that we have entered the Last Days, is when you see sex portrayed as cheap and accessible in every scene!”
“You gain nothing but pain thinking that you can enjoy sex before marriage.”
“God, gods, even idols know the value of sexual purity before marriage, who are you not to!”
“If people tell you to be promiscuous to get sexual experience, its like chewing gum, soon it will lose its taste!”
“No man who married a virgin never thought he gained gold; there is no better wedding gift!”
“The more sex you have with people the less experienced sexually you become; the less the better, none before marriage the best!”
“Unforgiveness connects you to the source of your pain and poison; forgiveness keeps you away from their hold on you!”
“Lead your wife, for God's sake, or God will judge you if she leads you astray - remember Adam!”
“There is more hope for a fool than for a man who thinks that his wife will always be in a mood for sex!”
“If you have a husband, don't deny him sex arbitrarily - you will drive him into pornography and immorality!”
“Most pastor's wives shouldn't work in church, just like you don't marry a doctor and think that you'll work in the hospital!”
“To think that you will be happy if you marry a pastor, is like hiding gold in sand and thinking that it will not be found!”
“Please don't be bad wife because you're married to a pastor, and don't be a bad pastor because you're married to a bad woman!”
“Why do those who went through divorce later have stronger marriages? Because they learned how it does not work!”
“It takes courage to divorce, if you see a divorced woman or man, you have seen how courage looks like in person!”
“If you want your marriage to last longer or forever, decide to take the word "divorce" out of your marriage vocabulary!”
“Women, don't despise a man who tells you he loves you, to many men, that takes courage to utter!”
“Women, you're commanded to submit to only ONE man called "husband", to all men, you are an equal!”
“It is a foolish woman who rebukes her man in public, in secret a rebuke from your woman is golden flakes!”
“In every culture, desired men are those who are soft to their woman and hard on everyone else, and not the other way around!”
“Don't define a real man by physical features, you will soon regret, rather, define one by character and industry!”
“Don't marry a man who has not invested in a trade called wisdom!”
“If you find a wise and diligent woman married to a stupid, unwise man, she has more regrets than a tiger than misses its target!”
“If find it troubling why beautiful, wise and respectable women fall for foolish, irresponsible men!”
“If the only reason you want to marry a woman is because you want sex with her, you're a total fool!”
“Always listen to your woman, but only act on wise things she says!”
“If women cause you to stumble often, you are a boy in your mind!”
“Real men take control; foolish men lose control!”
“How does Christ loves the church - He purifies it with the Word, a husband, too, must love his wife, saying good things often.”
“How does Christ love the church - He forgives it all day long - that's how a husband ought to be to his wife!”
“When it comes to sex, all women are the same in the end; don't despise your wife thinking another woman will be better!”
“If your wife makes all important decisions in your marriage, there are two women living in that home!”
“Only fools think that you cannot reprimand that which you love; actually, the more you are loved, the more you'll be corrected!”
“Even when you tell your wife that she is dead wrong, you are very much alive in love with her!”
“The balance between love and leadership is the material real men are made of in regards to marriage!”
“Woman are like little puppies, love and play with them so long as they behave, but correct them when you see ungodly behavior!”
“If you can't lead, control and correct a woman, you are not fit to get married yet!”
“Graveyards grow with more dead people added; be certain that your church is not expanding due to more spiritually dead souls!”
“If you don't believe in God, I can't trust you - you can't claim to love a creature more than the Creator!”
“Women breasts and men peni have the same function - they both release life-giving fluids!”
“The weakest link in a human anatomy is the genitalia, do not expose it cheaply or you will fall easily!”
“The only position higher than the president's is your family!”
“You should not put your trust in anything that dies, even if it is your bishop!”
“The weaker with women your husband is, the more you must love him!”
“If you spend all your life in one place, you will limit what God can do through you!”
“To women sex is like groundnuts, they discard the skin and keep the seeds!”
“To men sex is like football, they kick it and await another pass!”
“You're either stupid or a fool if you think that a married man with children will make you first, you're third in line!”
“If you think that you will stop to lust after women when you get married, there is more hope for Satan than for you!”
“If you think that your husband must make you happy, you have wasted half of your life!”
“Even a fool is king if he/she pays herself; wise people behave like fools when they are paid by someone else!”
“If your goal is to gain a higher salary, you are servant or at least a slave; if you think of paying yourself, you're a boss!”
“If you don't think of rising higher than your boss, you're doing other people's purpose!”
“Men think in terms of sex; women in terms of babies - both are the same!”
“If you haven't laughed, danced or kissed in a long time, death is better to you than life!”
“If you think about life in terms of money, you will always be behind, think of it in terms of love, you will be ahead!”
“If you look at yourself and love what you see, people will also love how you look!”
“When I cared what people would think, I accomplished nothing; when I cared what God would think, I made progress!”
“The biggest enemy in the world is not Satan, it's ignorance. Satan has to convince you, but you have to convince ignorance!”
“It is not wrong to promote yourself, if you do it in good faith, even God said, "It was good" after He made creation!”
“11 THINGS WOMEN WOULD LIKE MEN TO DO TO THEM
1. Love her in attitude and practicality – do what you say!
2. Tell her, “To me, you are the most beautiful woman who was ever created,” because she is to you, actually!
3. Be considerate, and this is also true when it comes to love-making; to a woman setting, mood, condition of the day, privacy, security and mental condition matter!
4. Complement her even when she doesn’t do anything meaningful – pay attention and complement small things like dress, make-up, shoes, colors, hair-do, fashion, undergarments, and etc. These are little BIG things to women!
5. Behave like a baby to her, but as a grown-up before other people
6. Tell her where you are – not necessarily where you are going. If you don’t communicate, women advance negative inferences!
7. Ask her to give her opinion – you’re supposed to lead but she is your partner and confidante
8. When she is talking about another man more frequently than not, or when you initiate a conversation about another man and she wants to end the conversation quickly – both are signs she may be falling in love with that man. Don’t castigate her, rather pour more praise on her and send her flowers instead!
9. Be the first to hold her hand in public, expectedly – women still think chivalry is great!
10. Tell her, “I love you,” as many times as you can afford without making it look monotonous!
11. Praise her. You do two things – you make her shine among women and you prevent other women from courting you!”
“THREE WOMEN SEXUAL TYPES
Each woman falls in any of the three sexual types:
1. The Charcoal Burner - these types are slowly to be aroused. They require time and value-added play. But once they get "into it", they "cook" it better and it lasts longer. They are the patient kind. To these sex is an investment and they don't prefer to have it regularly. To them sex is purely transactional.
2. The Stove-Burner - these types are easily turned on, but they require reasonable play and understanding. They are reasonable in their approach to sex and they are plan-oriented. These are the majority, and to them sex is partly transactional and partly sensual.
3. The Super-Wave Burner - are the type who are stimulated even by a single stroke, anywhere on their bodies. They rise quickest and fall equally quickest. They rarely require play. They demand it all the time. To them sex is purely sensual.
Understanding your woman type is very important. Note that no type is superior to the other. To be happy in marriage, know your woman sexual type and learn how to respond to it successfully!”
“SCIENCE is the clearest will of God; it's the best evidence that we think like God!”
“11 THINGS MEN WOULD LIKE WOMEN TO DO TO THEM
1. Show him respect, in public and private
2. Tell him, “To me, you are the greatest man alive.”
3. Initiate sex talk or the game itself
4. Complement him when he does something meaningful
5. Encourage him when he fails
6. Tell him where you are going, freely and willingly
7. Ask him to lead in family devotion
8. When he looks at another woman lustfully, tell him, “I am here,” and find something to complement the woman he keeps starring at; but never confront him angrily, he will end up thinking the other woman is better.
9. Be the first to hold his hand in public, unexpectedly
10. Tell him, “I love you,” more often. You’ll be surprised that he will be saying, “I love yous,” to you more often than before.
11. Praise him openly before other women, in his presence – he will fall in love with you all over again!”
“If you're loved by everyone, you've not started implementing your vision or you're not transformational leader, or you're a crook!”
“A CASE OF DIVORCE
To those who condemn those who divorce for any reason other than adultery, how do you explain this rule: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28)? This means that women have almost 99% reason to divorce most men. Tell me how many men don’t lust other women other than their wives in their hearts? In God’s eyes they have already committed adultery, isn’t it? If so, they can be divorced, right? So, how many marriages will remain? That’s why Jesus called us hypocrites; we tend to selectively take other scriptures while ignoring others. All of us men should be thanking God that our wives haven’t divorced us yet – we may be serial adulterers in our hearts! Thanks be to God, GRACE sustains us.”
“Marriage is like Duo Dance Choreography; the man initiates the move, the woman must trust that the man will hold her!”
“If you marry someone because of a characteristic that changes with time, your marriage is as good as a melting candle!”
“There are no short-cuts in a journey called marriage, all routes pass through conflicts and resolutions, pains and joys!”
“Marriage is not a rule-based discipline, it is a commitment-based lifestyle!”
“Men, only specialize in one woman, your wife; and when you look in the crowded field of your mind, women, see only your husband!”
“If your wife is thinking of divorcing you, you could change her mind if you change your behavior!”
“If your husband has cheated on you, don't be swift to judge him - you could hold an answer!”
“Marriage is like growing a tender shoot, the moment you stop watering it, it begins to wither!”
“It is wrong to lie with your spouse in bed while at the same time with another person in your mind!”
“If you have not forgotten, deliberately, about the person you almost married, your marriage hasn't started yet!”
“Once you begin to feel awkward to say, "I love you" to your partner, your relationship is getting mold!”
“How do you say, "I love you" in your relationship - keep doing that for the rest of the relationship; women never get tired of it”
“Women need more love, more assurance the older the relationship gets - men equally need more respect!”
“The secret to a long-life romance is not to take your partner for granted - keep doing what makes them happy, always!”
“Marriage is not war; it is a duet!”
“Women get marriage to be in it for life - men should know this!”
“Divorce is painful - no matter how you slice it!”
“If you want to have a perfect relationship, you must first die!”
“Christians can divorce their husbands anytime - if the man looks lustfully at another woman, but how many marriages will remain!”
“Women think that their spouse is always looking at another woman; men think that their spouse is always looking at them.”
“If all you see are sweet lips, tender breasts or infectious smiles, you have a vision; to enjoy all, you must first taste pain!”
“If a relationship has not encountered any conflicts, it will soon do - no functional city was developed without clearing debris.”
“A good marriage and high-quality gold have one feature in common, they both pass through great heat and pressure to emerge pure.”
“Marriages/relationships are like a rose flower, to enjoy the petals, you must negotiate the thorns!”
